A lot of people have gone farther than they could because someone else thought they could.
- Anonymous

A mentor is someone who stretches you beyond your own imagination and belief in your capability. They enable you to become the best version of yourself during that phase of your professional life.

There is a lot of confusion about what a good mentor is and isn't. A mentor is typically not your sponsor, boss, or your coach; the mentor's primary function is not to be a door opener, a problem solver or even a teacher. A mentor primarily helps you open your mind and challenge you to achieve more than even you think is possible. A mentor forces you to figure out how you could go about identifying and solving your own problems, and achieving your goals.

Great coaches are your external eyes and ears, providing a more accurate picture of your reality
- Atul Gawande

Recently, I reconnected with one of my earliest mentors, Robert Morris and it brought back a lot of fond memories. I've been fortunate to have a lot of "professional mentors" throughout my career; folks like Rakesh Agrawal, Nelson Mattos, Chet Kapoor, Deep Kalra, Deep Nishar and many, many more. I've also had a lot of "peer mentors" along the journey - folks like Kaushik Bhaskar, Mohit Gupta and of course, my current business partners at Prime Ventures - Shripati Acharya, Sanjay Swamy and Raj Mashruwala. Last but not the least, I've also benefited from "reverse mentoring" where I have benefited from learning from incredible people that have worked for me directly or indirectly. Some folks that come to mind are Sean Johnson, Madhu Kochar, Surojit Chatterjee, Anirudh Maitra, and many more. All of them have made a material and impressionable impact on my career.

I wasn't quite sure how people view mentoring these days so ran a quick poll on Twitter and LinkedIn (not shown here but the results were similar).

I had presumed people would not have perceived value in a mentoring relationship. The result, however, was surprising. It turns out that most people had not succeeded in either finding a mentor or finding the right one.

Here, then are my 5 suggestions on how to find great mentors:

1. Be clear on who you are.

You need to have a clear purpose and direction of what you are trying to cultivate. You don't need to know the end desired state but you certainly need to have the direction in mind. You also need to do an honest self-assessment of your strengths and your areas of development. This has to truly be a 360 view of yourself.

Recommendation: Do your self-assessment and poll your manager(s), your peers, your co-workers and your spouse/significant other!

2. Look for people that inspire you; they are everywhere.

Mentors are people you need to look up to and that inspire you. One of the classic mistakes everyone makes in looking for a mentor is that they want to go straight to the "top" or look for "vanity" names. Let us look at a couple of examples.

Lets say you are a good, young product manager and want to become a great PM. Figure out what are the best products in the market that inspire you and who created those products. Resist the temptation to only talk to the person who heads Product Management at large Indian or MNC company.

If you are starting out as an entrepreneur, don't just think about someone who is 15 years ahead of you in the journey, has gone IPO and such. Instead figure out someone who has gone from 0 to 10 and 10 to 100. Say, you are two gals and a dog in the garage. You admire someone for having built a stellar early stage team, been successful at fund raising and get to the first $1M of revenue. Go talk to that team that's earlier in the journey but has treaded the path you are about to walk on!

You get the idea. The same thinking could apply whether you want become a great SaaS Sales person, a great marketeer or an Architect.

Recommendation: Draw up a list of 5 people that inspire you and who are notionally 5 steps "ahead" of you in their journey.

3. Find people who have the right temperament and have time to invest with you.

Most mentoring relationships either don't get started, or fail, because its not the right "chemistry/fit" or the expectations are grossly mismatched. This is another reason not to go just for the "vanity" names. In my opinion, here are some key things to figure out before making a mutual commitment:

• Before you meet the mentor, figure out from other people, if the mentor is a great communicator, a great coach and generally interested in people. Follow them on Social Media or hear them speak in some forum(s). Ask people who know them and what they think about them. That will also have the secondary benefit of getting an introduction when you are ready to connect.
• Put together your sales pitch; why should that person mentor you? What is that you are looking for and why you think that person will make a great mentor for you?
• Is there mutual chemistry between the mentor and mentee? Often, the best mentors are keen to pay it forward and give back. They are looking for driven mentees who might even remind them of themselves many moons ago. Of course, sell yourself but also see if they are showing interest in you.
• Does the mentor have at least an hour every quarter to meet you? Mentoring does not work if the mentor does not have the time and the ongoing context of what's going on. While you should not be bugging your mentor every week, the mentor should be accessible enough for the odd email message or a short phone call once in a while.

Recommendation: Research the prospective mentors thoroughly and go pitch yourself to several mentors. Don't worry if someone says no.

4. Be willing to bring your A-game to the mentoring relationship.

Nobody will ever care as much about your career, as you. -Anonymous

Once you have a mentor, the onus is on you to get the most of the mentoring relationship.

First, you have to think of that person as being on your Personal Board of Directors (BoD) . Some folks would even argue you truly have multiple mentors and they should really constitute your personal BoD.

It is your responsibility to keep the mentor updated on the "context" about you throughout your interaction. You need to leverage each in-person meeting judiciously. You should prepare for it formally. Have an agenda for the meeting and send it in advance. Have follow ups from what you discussed last time. What specifically are you trying to develop ? What's working for you and what's not? What are you missing? What should be reading ?

Lastly, both you and the mentor should know when you are "outgrowing" that relationship and move on to add other mentors. That said, once you have had a successful mentoring relationship with a person, you will become friends for life!

Recommendation: If you haven't found your mentor, go find one in the next 30 days.

If you have benefited from a mentoring relationship, please go ahead and share your tips and suggestions on how get into a successful relationship. Also, don't forget to pay it forward and be willing to take on one or two mentees! It will be the most rewarding thing that you will do!

About the Author -

(Amit Somani is a Managing Partner at Prime Venture Partners, an early stage Venture Capital firm based out of Bangalore, India. Prime VP invests in category creating, early stage companies founded by rock star teams. Prior, Amit has held leadership positions at Makemytrip, Google and IBM. He is also deeply engaged with the early stage startup ecosystem in India and actively volunteers with iSpirt, TiE and NASSCOM. He tweets at @amitsomani)

This article was originally published on Linkedin